Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Of all the fish in the sea...

I could go on and on about things I miss from The Promise Land. If you have read any US expat blogs the list would read about the same as others. This post is dedicated to a little thing that I never knew/thought I could love in OZ. There are the obvious things to love, the weather, the beauty, the beaches blah blah blah, here is the real deal...Canned tuna in wild flavors! The first time I saw this on the shelf I almost threw up in my mouth. They come in flavors like Mild Indian Curry, Mango Chili, Basil and Oil, and Corn and Mayonnaise (I am not brave enough to try that nonsense, but I bet if I did I would be hooked!) I have no idea what moved me from nausea to buying a can, it is all a blur of a time I call International Move, Phase 1. When I leave here my bag will be packed with Sirena and John West Tuna Tempters (sounds like a cat treat, tastes like a dream!) I am typing wondering how I became such a loser that I am blogging about canned tuna, but, it feels like a crime to keep this wonderful bit of Aussie-ness to myself!

If you have not discovered these little cans of yummy let me tell you why I love them:

1. They taste great
2. Low calorie/low sugar/ high protein
3. Portable and shelf stable- you can throw them in your bag and not have to steal your kids chicken nuggets, string cheese, Teddy Grahams, fish and chips, or PB&J b/c you are starving and have nothing to eat at the park/pool/zoo and you may fall over dead if you don't get to ingest something and passing out is not responsible parenting and will be frowned upon by other "mums!"
4. You just pull the lid off and seconds later you are eating!

In fact, I am eating a can right now. Jealous?

Here is a pic of the little beauties.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Mind your bedside manners

This post has been sitting in my drafts since March 23. I felt it might be a little harsh, my ire was directed to a particular Dr. in the practice. My mind was changed for me today by the alleged practice manager at The Mosman Practice. Overseas readers keep in mind kids do not see pediatricians in OZ. The waiting room could be a scene for a Life Alert ad to a bad Viagra commercial to a Pedialite endorsement and back through the full spectrum again. EVERYONE is expected to behave accordingly, i.e, like little tiny adults.

So to start with my original post from March 23...

Dr.s are like haircuts, some are good some are bad but no two are ever the same. I think I may have seen one of the worst Dr.s ever. I am not going to call her by name, I do not want to be sued for slander as I can not prove beyond reasonable doubt she is indeed THE WORST DR in Australia. It is simply my educated opinion! Surprisingly, she came highly recommended by multiple sources, I am praying this is not as good as it gets here.

CM goes in to The Mosman Practice with a stomach flu, he can not even hold down water. The receptionist sees our plight and tells me the Dr. will see you next. I am pretty sure he will throw up while we are waiting so I am prepared with towels and a barf bag. Two patients go in ahead of us, alas, next must mean something much different here. As predicted, CM throws up, while he is throwing up he is emitting a primal scream of pain. It is a sad scene. At the exact moment this is going on Dr. comes out, I hear his name in the background, she said it probably 3X and then said it louder to almost a shout with hands on hips. Instead of concern, the look she gives is pure annoyance that I did not jump up at the sound of our name. "CM, honey wrap up the cute barfing act now Dr. Dead in the Heart is waiting, come along now Love, we don't want to make her wait for you and your silly little dry heaving game." We are seen in a non private triage sick room. No such thing as HIPAA here! While we are in triage an older lady is ushered in and about 3 more staff come in to chat loudly about the lady's acupuncture tab in her ear. At the sound of this interesting acupuncture tidbit the Dr. wanders over like a labrador that just heard the word ball! She checks out the above mentioned acu-ear. I am still sitting with a very sick baby in my lap waiting for her to tell me something more than I knew before I dropped $80. She wanders back over, you know labs have very short attention spans, the diagnosis is "if he gets more dehydrated you have to go to the hospital." Yes, yes yes very helpful, that is why we are here to try and avoid a hospital trip, thanks for the info! "Well yes then thank you" she says and the visit is over.

Progress 2 weeks to mid April, for 6 days straight I felt awful. Without boring you, it was like the worst hangover or morning sickness you have ever had 24/7. As I am not preggo and am as dry as Upton County, GA I reluctantly head to Dr. Dead Heart, twin boys in tow. I tell her all of my horrible symptoms. She barely nods. I think she is alive because occasionally she blinks but I can't be sure. I tell her I recently changed my diet dramatically. She takes my temp, she pushes my stomach. She does not ask me any questions. I could have changed my diet to the lemon cleanse and crack cocaine and she would be none the wiser. She does not take my pulse, my blood pressure or order any tests, she doesn't feel my lymph nodes, she doesn't ask if I am keeping fluids/food in, or if I have had a temperature NOTHING! Literally, no questions. She tells me, "hmmm...mmmm...maybe Giardia, hard to tell, if you still feel bad in four days take this." I say, "you want me to feel bad for four more days?" I think to myself, that is 10 days of vomiting and nausea while being the carer of 2.5 y.o twins, that does not fit into my job requirements.  She says with not an ounce of compassion, "Well yeah the tests are unreliable then you do a upper Gi test and find it and well...you know." No, I don't know, that is why I am here. I just know I feel worse than when I walked in today. I also tell her we seem to get sick after swimming lessons. She said, "well, you know kids pee in the pool." Ahh...the pee...yes...the pee is what all of the signs around the pool are warning us of, not the other business for certain. That afternoon I found a new Dr.

Progress to present day. Due to some rescheduling on my part. I have not been to my new Dr. So I have to use The Mosman Practice, almost like an urgent care. CH has had a hoarse voice for about a week so we make an appointment specifically with anyone but Dr. Dead Heart. We arrive a few minutes early. There are 2 other little boys in the waiting room aged 2 & 4. They go into the pathology lab, I hear the four y.o say sadly, "mommy, are they going to have to poke my tummy AGAIN?" He must have been a brave soldier b/c they come out with a specimen cup full of gummy worms(aka lollys in Australia). Being 2 & 4 they drop half of one on the carpet. They leave. We are now the only ones under 50 in the room. 20 minutes elapse, we are now up to about 27 minutes of waiting my kids are getting anxious. I pull two lollipops out of my purse and make them promise on all of their toys and stuffys and their young precious lives life that if I give them the lollipops they will stay seated and use inside voices. I am unwrapping the lollis when a front office worker comes in, she is new to the scene. I can see the writing on the wall and the end of the story as clear as if we are in a bad rom-com.  She passes us, she looks at the discarded gummy worm, then to us with our lollipops and begins to attempt to burn a whole through the three of us with her nasty stare. She huffs to the tissues, pulls one out with great flourish, bends over in a huff and picks up the horribly offensive 1/2 of a uneaten gummy worm and then.............says loudly for all in the waiting room to hear, "ARE YOU ACTUALLY GOING TO GIVE THEM MORE LOLLIS?" What? OH, HELL NO WOMAN, however this scene went down in your head is not how it is actually going to go down! I feel heat flood into my ears. I say, "I saw you giving us a dirty look when you walked in the room, just so you know that is not ours and I think your behavior and your comment are very inappropriate, don't you think!" She says, "yes, it was, I agree, it is inappropriate, I am having a very bad day." Well, that kind of stops an argument. I say, "I am sorry to hear that." But I am still so mad! I hate to tell her, but just the act of being in a grown up Dr.'s office with small children puts one immediately and almost certainly into the bad day bracket or at the very least the not the greatest day bracket. Thankfully, CH is just fine, the diagnosis is just a virus, he is not fazed by his scratchy throat at all, no fever, no symptoms at all! Thankfully, we saw a very lovely Dr. Neville. Her bedside manner was kind and compassionate. If need be I would see her again. After we get through the medical end of the visit I tell the Dr we had a bit of a situation whilst waiting. I explain. She is horrified. She says she has had issue with this woman and she is actually the PRACTICE DIRECTOR! She says, "I am going to report this, can I jot your number down in case we need to discuss further." She calls me about an hour later and tells me that I need to put it in writing, can I please please do that and send it to so and so Director, IPN, NSW, if I don't she says NOTHING will happen? Sure. Whats the email? "Oh... I am not able to get his email can you mail it?" Mail, as in a letter? Hmmm...my airspeed and altitude drop. Now a letter may not be all that much harder to send than an email but in my mind it is exponentially harder. There is the printing, the envelope, the stamp and the posting of said letter. Oh, the trouble of it all! I am still undecided if it is worth it. My feeling is I have done my part, I told them what went down, now it is their garden to tend.

But... there is a problem. There is a disconnect between my thinking and their reality. It is not really their garden to tend. It is Australia's garden, funded by $12.99/pint blueberries and other outrageous taxes. As a "community" garden they have hired gardeners of varying dedication and skill level to tend to the garden but no one has ownership. Nothing will happen. No one is empowered. Not even the Doctor.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

A Mother's Prayer by Tina Fey, Happy Mothers Day!



First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.
May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the Beauty.
When the Crystal Meth is offered, may she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half And stick with Beer.
Guide her, protect her when crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock ‘N Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.
Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance. Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes And not have to wear high heels. What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You, because if I knew, I’d be doing it, Youdammit.
May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.
Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen.Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long, For childhood is short – a Tiger Flower blooming Magenta for one day – And adulthood is long and dry-humping in cars will wait.
O Lord, break the Internet forever, that she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers And the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.
And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister, Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, For I will not have that Shit. I will not have it.
And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, that I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back. “My mother did this for me once,”she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck. “My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental Note to call me. And she will forget. But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.
Amen.”
-Tina Fey
A Happy Mothers Day!

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

The coat of many colors...

Is a Dolly Parton song where she describes a coat her Mama made her from rags. To be clear, we are not wearing rags, but due to extortionate prices and limited availability(ie sub par shopping), "things" have become very dear here in Australia. For example, the boys were given some hand me down clothes from a very generous friend yesterday and today CH was wearing one of the shirts. In the States we were given boxes and boxes of clothes but we never got around to wearing them. We were not too good for hand me downs, we just had so many clothes we never had a chance to wear them, yes, I know, barf! Flash forward to today trying to buy long sleeve long pant PJ's. I was at the checkout when to my horror I saw that they were $40 a pair. The clerk said, "but they are 100% cotton." I said "No, thank you, we will wait," and I walked out of the store. I think the clerk tried to embarrass a little me by being over sympathetic and dramatic, I think he said, "oh, oh, OH my dear, I am so sorry, I should have told YOU." I thought for a few minutes, am I cheap? Am I crazy? Should I just buy the PJs? Then my husband said it best, "$40 for kids PJs is OBSCENE!!!"

Brother, puhlease, do not mess up our PJS, we have to wear these for the next 4 years!!!

Friday, April 29, 2011

"The Easter Bunny Show"

The Easter Bunny Show is also known as The Sydney Royal Easter Show. Don't be fooled, the only bunnies you will find are in the animal section and you will not find anything especially Easter ish in all 100+ miles of this "show." This misnomer was especially irritating to CH as he was really confused on when we would actually get to the Easter Show. Despite the misnomer, it was terrific! The Show is best described as the biggest and cleanest fair you can imagine. It is HUGE! Gigantic, you actually can not imagine how big it is! And it is so clean even the animals don't really smell as bad as they do at any other fair I have ever been to. We went this year and had a ball. We arrived early and beat most of the crowds. I hear driving out there can be awful but we left early and the weather was not the greatest so we had no trouble getting to Sydney Olympic Park, and no trouble parking. We stayed all day and even skipped our nap we had so much fun. Crazy, I know! 

My pictures show all of the kids stuff. There is so much to see and do no matter what your age or interest. I would have loved to have spent more time in the fresh food dome, they had all kinds of things to taste(wine and chocolate!), learn, and see. The cakes and the crafts and art looked impressive! You could spend three days at the show and not see everything!

Toward the end of the day, you could really feel Fall in the air. I have so many good memories of Fall and fairs and none of those memories contained Easter. Time for a new norm and a new nostalgia I suppose!

Sheep Shearing

Alpaca...aka palpaca








Fancy cow stall complete with curtains! 

Fonzy, Oz's tallest steer!


Hot Air Balloons, we spent $75 riding rides. I hear family day you can ride 2 for 1! 



CH is a "roller coaster" enthusiasts! We were shocked! He cried when he had to get off the rides. The usual daredevil CM cried and asked to get out of line multiple times! 




The flying elephants. He would not do a real smile for me...he would only do an embarrassed smile, as if he was ashamed of his fall from the spot as family daredevil.

This man ate 2 dagwood(corn) dogs, one hot dog, sweet nuts, and 1/2 corn on the cob, plus the snacks I brought from home.  At the end of the show he informed us his tummy hurt!


Riding Gordon, $15.

One of the highlights for us was the agility competition! We saw the  "minor leagues" and we all loved it!

Here Comes Peter Cottontail...

I LOVE LOVE LOVE Easter! As a Christian, it is the GREATEST holiday. Period. 

As a Mom it is also a super fun holiday. There are things to do together and little presents and surprises to give, and chances to see their little faces light up with excitement. Unlike Christmas there are no pressures or expectations on presents and at this age the amount of presents to give at Easter are the perfect amount for their attention span!


Painting eggs. I bought the kit from Bed, Bath and Table. The boys really liked this! For me, it was more fun than dying brown eggs. Although, the boys were pretty impressed with their dyed eggs.

We were lucky enough to get our hands on two imported PAAS kits. Aussies do not dye eggs.  Silly me, I tried to explain the concept of dying boiled eggs to Aussies. "So you boil eggs and you dye them and you hide them, and you also get plastic eggs and fill them with treats, like other small chocolate eggs..." With my weak explanation, I felt like I disgraced Easter.

Dying brown eggs is hard, I used our two kits to create a double strength dye, but our eggs were still sad! 

Hooray for chocolate bunny bottoms and self made baskets!

The Easter Bunny stopped in, ate our carrots, hid our double dye and choco eggs and left some cool stuff! Thankfully, the Easter candy selection is really limited so I was not too tempted to eat out of the kids baskets. It is mainly just hollow chocolate, even as a kid hollow chocolate bummed me out. No Reeses(this alone saved me 5 lbs), no jelly beans(although I heard these can be found in the dried fruit section of Franklins, ah yes the dried fruit section, of course), no Robins Eggs-oh Robins Eggs you little temptress(another 8 lbs saved), and...no Peeps. Thanks to a very sweet friend I did get to partake in the time honored tradition of eating so many peeps that I was high as a kite for a few glorious minutes and then as every over Peeper knows, the low was really low.  

He could care less about chocolate. He gave me a piece back today out of his snack and said "take it, I don't wan it, oh boy, I have raisins too!"

Just like Mama and Daddy he is cursed with a sweet tooth!

I wonder, if left unchecked, how much chocolate would he eat? During the egg hunt he let CH do the work to find all of the eggs and then while CH was distracted, CM "divided" them, putting ALL of the boiled eggs in CH's basket and ALL of the chocolate ones in his own basket. Diabolical. 

These are the only baskets I could find. They were at a "discount" store. I almost had to put our loot in pink bags. I was so happy to find these! Last year, I would have been mortified to bring these to the neighborhood egg hunt. Apparently, baskets are not so cool here.

We were invited to our first gathering at an Australian's House, we spent most of our time on their trampoline. I tried 'splainin Peeps to the Aussies and they looked at me like I was explaining how we Americans really enjoy eating dog poo at Easter.  


Egg Hunt Round 2. You gotta be fast if you want anything besides boiled eggs!

VICTORY! MORE CHOCOLATE!

"Look at my tummy, do I look fat? I have had 2 eggs, 1 bunny, one piece of Hannah's cake, one bunny merengue...can you tell?"

Saturday, April 23, 2011

The Sydney Jewish Museum

I have struggled to put this post together because it is very heavy on my heart. I seem to do better writing about silly, funny, and absurd things that don't matter much than really tough serious and emotional things. A few weeks ago while on the Hop On Hop Off tour with my parents we "hopped off" at The Sydney Jewish Museum. This museum is a must do. The unique part of this museum is that all of the tour guides are survivors of the Holocaust. I found this to be an extremely moving experience. I could not pull myself away from our guide. She gave factual information and then she told her personal story.  I had a hard time holding back my emotions listening to her.  I have visited the Holocaust Museum in DC and although the Sydney Museum is tiny in comparison, the opportunity to stand in front of a survivor and have them tell you about what you are seeing in the displays and what they actually saw and experienced is immeasurable, it is priceless. I went without my children and will not take them for many years. When they are mature enough I feel like this is a message they must hear.

http://www.sydneyjewishmuseum.com.au/Home/default.aspx