In Living Color

The Vivid Festival is cool. REALLY REALLY COOL. If you live in Sydney you need to go. Period/FULL STOP! Don't miss the Sony Lounge or the singing bugs inside the OH(they are easy to miss). The boys brought sexy back on the retro light up 70's dance floor. I think it was supposed to be a "cool" area, we ruined it's street cred. We will be back again before this ends!

Riding the ferry...INTO THE CBD...at NIGHT! This is big time!  

Dinner at Appetito in the Rocks...not the best meal you will ever, have but one of the better in the Rocks(not saying much)...they are quick for the kiddos

Leaving shadows by the MOCA

Tools of The Trade

For years I have resisted a high priced professional blow dryer, even though I have hair drama and spend/have spent way too much on my hair I thought a $150 blow dryer was just a bit excessive. Last week, I walked into a shop, plunked down my money and a couple of home blow drys later I am in heaven. Why did I wait so long for professionally styled looking hair in the comfort of my own home? Why did I wait until I was in a country where everything costs 2x as much and is half as good to do this? (great post on this subject http://www.floridagirlinsydney.com/2011/05/australian-prices-vs-american-prices.html) Am I not worth $150 hair? YES, YES, HECK YES  I AM! Next up fancy flat iron! My bargainista has kicked in on this one and I am stalking the internet for a deal. 

Thanks to my new blow dryer, I look like this 24/7! Don't tell me otherwise! 

Something else I have always wanted was one of these magic stick things to puree, whip, blend, do the laundry and paint my toes. You may have seen them on QVC or even proper cooking shows, you maybe lucky enough to own one. They come with about 1000 attachments and promise domestic ecstasy. Well again, I stormed the Big W(where an older woman[customer] was getting yelled out for using the PA to express her discontent with the current sale and merchandise availability) and walked out with the StickMaster. I am not saying the StickMaster is the best, it is probably the worst since it was the only one left on an otherwise empty shelf(should have used the PA myself to get some resolution on that!) but what I will say is: My whipped butternut squash is enviable and my mashed cauliflower are like fluffy clouds of smelly rooty goodness! A bonus: using it is a bit like using a power tool in the kitchen as it roars around the bowl like a little Tassie devil.

And to round out the list we have the Delonghi Dehumidifier. I will not claim I have always pined for one of these little gems. I did not know they even existed and I certainly did not know owning one would be life changing. It. is. Life. Changing. FULL STOP! Winter in Sydney is wet. Very wet. So wet that our leather bed was wet, like most people our bed is in our bedroom, inside our house and it was wet. I jumped on appliancesonline.com and had one to my door the next day. It has saved us from the mildew army that was invading the house. Next on my wet weather list: Hunter Boots, not just a fashion statement here, this is actually functional clothing that I can not live another day without.

The week of RUDE

Could be a full moon? Could be some people are wearing their spanks too tight? Could be that watching too many episodes of Master Chefs immediately after consuming our boring lackluster does not include BOMB ALASKA dinner are making us crabby(Masterchef runs almost every evening at 7:30, they make some insanely yummy looking things) Who knows what makes people so crazy?

So there was the Dr. office thing. That issue has been covered ad nauseum. I am over it.

Then there was this b#$%^ at the Wine Odyssey who was too busy stuffing her face to help us try a wine. The Wine Odyssey has a pneumatic tasting system with about 35 bottles hooked to it. All are for sale by taste, half glass or glass. I asked to taste a Riesling and was told by Mrs. Stuffy Face, "hmmph, I mean do you just want to taste it, I mean that is not really the way it works(Really, cause the sign offers
'tastes') I mean your not just going to keep asking to taste things are you? b/c that IS NOT the way it works you can't just keep coming back and tasting all around!!!" Forget it I would not taste it if you paid me, so there!

AND Then today at the library I ran into a very sweet woman who frequently babysits for us. She was at the library watching another set of twins we know. The boy twin takes two containers of crayons and dumps them, ala 2.5 y.o boy. The sitter bends down to pick them up and the little girl twin takes this opportunity to pull her shirt off. The sitter jumps up seeing that a naked child in the library takes precedence over spilt crayons. This other mum looks at her as she is scrambling off the floor out of the crayon flood to try and contain the naked situation and in the most condescending tone says, " YOU ARE GOING TO PICK THOSE UP AREN'T YOU?????" I almost fell over in shock! She was, of course, a SMOG, smug mothers of girls. I thought to myself, oh lady, karma is a bigger B than you and you just invited her to dinner at your house for what may be the entirety of your daughters teen years! Another Mum, who was a stranger, but felt compassion for the situation, and I cleaned up the crayons, no biggie. Crayons on the floor. I think we have all cleaned worse.

Just when I had written off the kind in humankind. I met the flip side of rude when CH broke my heart at the playground. For no reason AT ALL, he pushed a little girl from a very high platform at the park. It was a bad fall from about 5'. I literally welled up I felt so horrible. The girls Mom was so kind to us and so gracious saying, "oh you don't know what they are going to do, it is OK, really, really, truly it is OK." She may have been so nice because she did not see the actual fall, it was bad, she may have just been a very cool person, whatever the reason she saved my view on [Australian] humanity.

Of all the fish in the sea...

I could go on and on about things I miss from The Promise Land. If you have read any US expat blogs the list would read about the same as others. This post is dedicated to a little thing that I never knew/thought I could love in OZ. There are the obvious things to love, the weather, the beauty, the beaches blah blah blah, here is the real deal...Canned tuna in wild flavors! The first time I saw this on the shelf I almost threw up in my mouth. They come in flavors like Mild Indian Curry, Mango Chili, Basil and Oil, and Corn and Mayonnaise (I am not brave enough to try that nonsense, but I bet if I did I would be hooked!) I have no idea what moved me from nausea to buying a can, it is all a blur of a time I call International Move, Phase 1. When I leave here my bag will be packed with Sirena and John West Tuna Tempters (sounds like a cat treat, tastes like a dream!) I am typing wondering how I became such a loser that I am blogging about canned tuna, but, it feels like a crime to keep this wonderful bit of Aussie-ness to myself!

If you have not discovered these little cans of yummy let me tell you why I love them:

1. They taste great
2. Low calorie/low sugar/ high protein
3. Portable and shelf stable- you can throw them in your bag and not have to steal your kids chicken nuggets, string cheese, Teddy Grahams, fish and chips, or PB&J b/c you are starving and have nothing to eat at the park/pool/zoo and you may fall over dead if you don't get to ingest something and passing out is not responsible parenting and will be frowned upon by other "mums!"
4. You just pull the lid off and seconds later you are eating!

In fact, I am eating a can right now. Jealous?

Here is a pic of the little beauties.

Mind your bedside manners

This post has been sitting in my drafts since March 23. I felt it might be a little harsh, my ire was directed to a particular Dr. in the practice. My mind was changed for me today by the alleged practice manager at The Mosman Practice. Overseas readers keep in mind kids do not see pediatricians in OZ. The waiting room could be a scene for a Life Alert ad to a bad Viagra commercial to a Pedialite endorsement and back through the full spectrum again. EVERYONE is expected to behave accordingly, i.e, like little tiny adults.

So to start with my original post from March 23...

Dr.s are like haircuts, some are good some are bad but no two are ever the same. I think I may have seen one of the worst Dr.s ever. I am not going to call her by name, I do not want to be sued for slander as I can not prove beyond reasonable doubt she is indeed THE WORST DR in Australia. It is simply my educated opinion! Surprisingly, she came highly recommended by multiple sources, I am praying this is not as good as it gets here.

CM goes in to The Mosman Practice with a stomach flu, he can not even hold down water. The receptionist sees our plight and tells me the Dr. will see you next. I am pretty sure he will throw up while we are waiting so I am prepared with towels and a barf bag. Two patients go in ahead of us, alas, next must mean something much different here. As predicted, CM throws up, while he is throwing up he is emitting a primal scream of pain. It is a sad scene. At the exact moment this is going on Dr. comes out, I hear his name in the background, she said it probably 3X and then said it louder to almost a shout with hands on hips. Instead of concern, the look she gives is pure annoyance that I did not jump up at the sound of our name. "CM, honey wrap up the cute barfing act now Dr. Dead in the Heart is waiting, come along now Love, we don't want to make her wait for you and your silly little dry heaving game." We are seen in a non private triage sick room. No such thing as HIPAA here! While we are in triage an older lady is ushered in and about 3 more staff come in to chat loudly about the lady's acupuncture tab in her ear. At the sound of this interesting acupuncture tidbit the Dr. wanders over like a labrador that just heard the word ball! She checks out the above mentioned acu-ear. I am still sitting with a very sick baby in my lap waiting for her to tell me something more than I knew before I dropped $80. She wanders back over, you know labs have very short attention spans, the diagnosis is "if he gets more dehydrated you have to go to the hospital." Yes, yes yes very helpful, that is why we are here to try and avoid a hospital trip, thanks for the info! "Well yes then thank you" she says and the visit is over.

Progress 2 weeks to mid April, for 6 days straight I felt awful. Without boring you, it was like the worst hangover or morning sickness you have ever had 24/7. As I am not preggo and am as dry as Upton County, GA I reluctantly head to Dr. Dead Heart, twin boys in tow. I tell her all of my horrible symptoms. She barely nods. I think she is alive because occasionally she blinks but I can't be sure. I tell her I recently changed my diet dramatically. She takes my temp, she pushes my stomach. She does not ask me any questions. I could have changed my diet to the lemon cleanse and crack cocaine and she would be none the wiser. She does not take my pulse, my blood pressure or order any tests, she doesn't feel my lymph nodes, she doesn't ask if I am keeping fluids/food in, or if I have had a temperature NOTHING! Literally, no questions. She tells me, "hmmm...mmmm...maybe Giardia, hard to tell, if you still feel bad in four days take this." I say, "you want me to feel bad for four more days?" I think to myself, that is 10 days of vomiting and nausea while being the carer of 2.5 y.o twins, that does not fit into my job requirements.  She says with not an ounce of compassion, "Well yeah the tests are unreliable then you do a upper Gi test and find it and well...you know." No, I don't know, that is why I am here. I just know I feel worse than when I walked in today. I also tell her we seem to get sick after swimming lessons. She said, "well, you know kids pee in the pool." Ahh...the pee...yes...the pee is what all of the signs around the pool are warning us of, not the other business for certain. That afternoon I found a new Dr.

Progress to present day. Due to some rescheduling on my part. I have not been to my new Dr. So I have to use The Mosman Practice, almost like an urgent care. CH has had a hoarse voice for about a week so we make an appointment specifically with anyone but Dr. Dead Heart. We arrive a few minutes early. There are 2 other little boys in the waiting room aged 2 & 4. They go into the pathology lab, I hear the four y.o say sadly, "mommy, are they going to have to poke my tummy AGAIN?" He must have been a brave soldier b/c they come out with a specimen cup full of gummy worms(aka lollys in Australia). Being 2 & 4 they drop half of one on the carpet. They leave. We are now the only ones under 50 in the room. 20 minutes elapse, we are now up to about 27 minutes of waiting my kids are getting anxious. I pull two lollipops out of my purse and make them promise on all of their toys and stuffys and their young precious lives life that if I give them the lollipops they will stay seated and use inside voices. I am unwrapping the lollis when a front office worker comes in, she is new to the scene. I can see the writing on the wall and the end of the story as clear as if we are in a bad rom-com.  She passes us, she looks at the discarded gummy worm, then to us with our lollipops and begins to attempt to burn a whole through the three of us with her nasty stare. She huffs to the tissues, pulls one out with great flourish, bends over in a huff and picks up the horribly offensive 1/2 of a uneaten gummy worm and then.............says loudly for all in the waiting room to hear, "ARE YOU ACTUALLY GOING TO GIVE THEM MORE LOLLIS?" What? OH, HELL NO WOMAN, however this scene went down in your head is not how it is actually going to go down! I feel heat flood into my ears. I say, "I saw you giving us a dirty look when you walked in the room, just so you know that is not ours and I think your behavior and your comment are very inappropriate, don't you think!" She says, "yes, it was, I agree, it is inappropriate, I am having a very bad day." Well, that kind of stops an argument. I say, "I am sorry to hear that." But I am still so mad! I hate to tell her, but just the act of being in a grown up Dr.'s office with small children puts one immediately and almost certainly into the bad day bracket or at the very least the not the greatest day bracket. Thankfully, CH is just fine, the diagnosis is just a virus, he is not fazed by his scratchy throat at all, no fever, no symptoms at all! Thankfully, we saw a very lovely Dr. Neville. Her bedside manner was kind and compassionate. If need be I would see her again. After we get through the medical end of the visit I tell the Dr we had a bit of a situation whilst waiting. I explain. She is horrified. She says she has had issue with this woman and she is actually the PRACTICE DIRECTOR! She says, "I am going to report this, can I jot your number down in case we need to discuss further." She calls me about an hour later and tells me that I need to put it in writing, can I please please do that and send it to so and so Director, IPN, NSW, if I don't she says NOTHING will happen? Sure. Whats the email? "Oh... I am not able to get his email can you mail it?" Mail, as in a letter? Hmmm...my airspeed and altitude drop. Now a letter may not be all that much harder to send than an email but in my mind it is exponentially harder. There is the printing, the envelope, the stamp and the posting of said letter. Oh, the trouble of it all! I am still undecided if it is worth it. My feeling is I have done my part, I told them what went down, now it is their garden to tend.

But... there is a problem. There is a disconnect between my thinking and their reality. It is not really their garden to tend. It is Australia's garden, funded by $12.99/pint blueberries and other outrageous taxes. As a "community" garden they have hired gardeners of varying dedication and skill level to tend to the garden but no one has ownership. Nothing will happen. No one is empowered. Not even the Doctor.

A Mother's Prayer by Tina Fey, Happy Mothers Day!

First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.

May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the Beauty.

When the Crystal Meth is offered, may she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half And stick with Beer.

Guide her, protect her when crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock ‘N Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.

Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance. Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes And not have to wear high heels. What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You, because if I knew, I’d be doing it, Youdammit.

May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.

Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen.Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long, For childhood is short – a Tiger Flower blooming Magenta for one day – And adulthood is long and dry-humping in cars will wait.

O Lord, break the Internet forever, that she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers And the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.

And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister, Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, For I will not have that Shit. I will not have it.

And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, that I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back. “My mother did this for me once,”she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck. “My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental Note to call me. And she will forget. But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.

Amen.”

-Tina Fey

A Happy Mothers Day!

The coat of many colors...

Is a Dolly Parton song where she describes a coat her Mama made her from rags. To be clear, we are not wearing rags, but due to extortionate prices and limited availability(ie sub par shopping), "things" have become very dear here in Australia. For example, the boys were given some hand me down clothes from a very generous friend yesterday and today CH was wearing one of the shirts. In the States we were given boxes and boxes of clothes but we never got around to wearing them. We were not too good for hand me downs, we just had so many clothes we never had a chance to wear them, yes, I know, barf! Flash forward to today trying to buy long sleeve long pant PJ's. I was at the checkout when to my horror I saw that they were $40 a pair. The clerk said, "but they are 100% cotton." I said "No, thank you, we will wait," and I walked out of the store. I think the clerk tried to embarrass a little me by being over sympathetic and dramatic, I think he said, "oh, oh, OH my dear, I am so sorry, I should have told YOU." I thought for a few minutes, am I cheap? Am I crazy? Should I just buy the PJs? Then my husband said it best, "$40 for kids PJs is OBSCENE!!!"

Brother, puhlease, do not mess up our PJS, we have to wear these for the next 4 years!!!